I was deeply in love, but with the lady who did not love me. I felt terrible, the experience was horrid. I did not know what to do, because love felt painful and the pain elevated the more I went i have myself to her. She knew this, she seemed to enjoy my suffering and prolong my agony. I told myself it would be over, various thoughts clouded my judgment but I resisted the one that were making me vengeful and the ones that were turning into suicidal thought. I guess i was just ready to live for love, not to st with love.